The other night I was talking to a co-worker about our latest adoption. He congratulated me and then mentioned that he and his wife want another child but may not be able to conceive. He has thought about adoption but the idea that the child would not be a child "of his own" bothered him. I understood he meant that in the biological sense and I tried to explain the beauty of adoption. (If you're reading this, I wasn't offended but it gives me a platform for discussion.)
I'm the mother of two beautiful girls - one through pregnancy and the other through adoption. I consider myself lucky to have experienced both and it's hard to describe the similarities, yet differences, between both ways of adding to the family.
I wasn't a happy pregnant person. I gained 65 pounds, waddled everywhere and was generally grumpy - definitely not one of the "cutely pregnant" women I envied. I also couldn't work as a police officer and so had to spend almost the entire pregnancy on "light duty" doing various administrative duties at the police department. I've always had a hard time dealing with desk work and this was no exception. But the reward at the end of the painful process - a beautiful, blonde-haired baby named Anna that to this day I can't seem to kiss enough.
When we adopted Julia we went through paperwork hell - not physically painful like the pregnancy, but painful nonetheless. The adoption process from China slowed down considerably and what we thought would only be a six-month wait to be matched turned into a 2 1/2 year wait. Some adoptive parents use the term "paper pregnant" and it's true. Once you know your future child is out there - may even already have been born - the wait takes on a life of its own and the anticipation/agony builds while you wait for your agency to call you.
Then one day the magic call happens - all of a sudden you know there is a precious 11-month-old baby girl out there waiting for you to come pick her up and bring her home. You get photos of her and a description that tells you she loves to laugh and is very extroverted. You just know, from that moment forward, that the child in the picture is yours and you can't wait to bring her home. You send her toys, a blanket and family photos for her caretakers to show her.
Four months later all of the immigration paperwork is finally completed. You take the excrutiatingly long flight to China, all the while hoping your new child won't be too traumatized but also looking forward to the day when you can finally hold her instead of just looking at a well-worn photo.
Finally the day arrives - a scared, timid baby is placed in your arms at the civil affairs office and your arms and heart are now full. This is your daughter. That was our daughter.
As I've mentioned before, it's been three years since Julia was placed in our arms in the civil affairs office in Zhengzhou, China. It's amazing to us how seamlessly she has become a part of our family and the fact we don't share the same genes is just a technicality. My parents and sister always say it feels like she's always been with us and it's true. She just fits in that well with us.
When I look at her I don't see a person different from us. She IS "us." I do recognize her Chinese heritage and I hope I can help her grow up proud of being Chinese and to realize that it's OK to be a little different.
She wasn't born in my tummy, but she was truly born in my heart.
Time to go to bed and dream about the little boy/girl that is halfway around the world waiting for us.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Three years later, here we are!
It's been just over three years since we met Julia and brought her home. It's been three years of pure joy having her in our lives and watching her grow from a 14-month-old baby to a giggly little girl. Sometimes I sit back and just watch her and Anna and relish about how lucky I am to have two such sweet, beautiful little girls in my life that I just can't stop hugging. Julia continues to blossom and Anna is still progressing and fighting the good fight against mitochondrial disease. Her seizures have dwindled to almost none and for that I am very thankful.
Ever since we were in China to bring Julia home I've had a desire to go back. I truly believe that when our plane left Beijing to come back to the U.S. that I left a part of my heart there. Even if you don't agree with a country's politics you can still appreciate the heritage and the warmness of the people. China is a part of Julia and so I will always love China.
Every now and then I would jokingly bring up the possibility of adopting again to Jason but he would only say "yeah, right." One morning in early February he called me into the kitchen and, much to my surprise, told me he had been thinking about it and was ready to adopt again. Who am I to say no? :-) After I told him this wasn't going to get him off the hook for Valentine's Day we had a private celebration with the kids and called our agency, CCAI (Chinese Children Adoption International).
For those of you who didn't follow my first blog, we used CCAI for Julia's adoption and they were wonderful so it was a no-brainer for us to use them again. We also used them again in the hope that we can return to Henan province for this child. We filed our application with the agency on February 21st (my birthday!) and our application to adopt was approved on February 28th.
We are now in the "paperchasing" stage of the process and this won't be finished until we have our dossier compiled and sent to China for a "log-in date." The dossier includes paperwork such as birth certificates, financial statements, physical exams and a home study. Then there's another set of documents we have to compile just for the home study. Our social worker has already visited our home so we're hopeful the home study will be complete soon.
Once we compile everything for the dossier it all has to be notarized, certified by the state and authenticated by the U.S. But wait - we're still not done. After all of this we still need the immigration approval forms from the U.S. The dossier will then be translated into Chinese by our agency and sent to China. All of this takes anywhere from three to five months, sometimes longer if there's problems obtaining some documents. We will probably be matched after we're logged in with China but it's possible we may be matched before then (I'm not going to hold my breath). After we get matched it will be another four to five months before we travel to China (more paperwork/red tape).
The million-dollar question - boy or girl? We've been discussing this for a while now and Jason insists it doesn't matter to him. In the end, it also doesn't matter to me so we've decided to put "either" and leave it to fate. We're also open to a wide age range - one up to four years old. If we get an older toddler that would be just fine with us and give Julia someone to play with (and torment!)
Family is the most important part of my life and we are so thrilled to add another child through adoption. It has been an amazing experience and I feel privileged to build our family this way. I look forward to sharing this next chapter in our lives with our family and friends.
Ever since we were in China to bring Julia home I've had a desire to go back. I truly believe that when our plane left Beijing to come back to the U.S. that I left a part of my heart there. Even if you don't agree with a country's politics you can still appreciate the heritage and the warmness of the people. China is a part of Julia and so I will always love China.
Every now and then I would jokingly bring up the possibility of adopting again to Jason but he would only say "yeah, right." One morning in early February he called me into the kitchen and, much to my surprise, told me he had been thinking about it and was ready to adopt again. Who am I to say no? :-) After I told him this wasn't going to get him off the hook for Valentine's Day we had a private celebration with the kids and called our agency, CCAI (Chinese Children Adoption International).
For those of you who didn't follow my first blog, we used CCAI for Julia's adoption and they were wonderful so it was a no-brainer for us to use them again. We also used them again in the hope that we can return to Henan province for this child. We filed our application with the agency on February 21st (my birthday!) and our application to adopt was approved on February 28th.
We are now in the "paperchasing" stage of the process and this won't be finished until we have our dossier compiled and sent to China for a "log-in date." The dossier includes paperwork such as birth certificates, financial statements, physical exams and a home study. Then there's another set of documents we have to compile just for the home study. Our social worker has already visited our home so we're hopeful the home study will be complete soon.
Once we compile everything for the dossier it all has to be notarized, certified by the state and authenticated by the U.S. But wait - we're still not done. After all of this we still need the immigration approval forms from the U.S. The dossier will then be translated into Chinese by our agency and sent to China. All of this takes anywhere from three to five months, sometimes longer if there's problems obtaining some documents. We will probably be matched after we're logged in with China but it's possible we may be matched before then (I'm not going to hold my breath). After we get matched it will be another four to five months before we travel to China (more paperwork/red tape).
The million-dollar question - boy or girl? We've been discussing this for a while now and Jason insists it doesn't matter to him. In the end, it also doesn't matter to me so we've decided to put "either" and leave it to fate. We're also open to a wide age range - one up to four years old. If we get an older toddler that would be just fine with us and give Julia someone to play with (and torment!)
Family is the most important part of my life and we are so thrilled to add another child through adoption. It has been an amazing experience and I feel privileged to build our family this way. I look forward to sharing this next chapter in our lives with our family and friends.
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